Difficult Fruitfulness

Bearing fruit is never easy - just ask the nearest rosebush. My wife and I recently uprooted ourselves from North Jersey to move to Pennsylvania. I began a counseling internship in August at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF). Despite only moving one State to the west of the Garden State, it was a big move for us. We left behind close friends, relatives, a good job for Bekah in our church and our first 2 years of shared memories and doing life together in one place as a married couple. 

As part of my internship, I need to also receive counsel, myself, as well as give it to others. This is so that we can, as new counselors, experience what it is like on the other side of the room for a person coming to see us. It can also help us work through some of our own issues. In a recent session with my counselor, he prayed for me during this time of "difficult fruitfulness". I have no regrets about moving here. It was a step of faith for us. My internship is unpaid and we are seeking sufficient work for the two of us so that we can pay our bills and not go into more debt. What we did was not heroic. We are convinced that God called us to move on together for me to pursue a path in biblical counseling. However, God calls people to follow him most often in every day kind of ways.

In the midst of our new transition, we are called to be faithful to our calling to make much of Jesus and his grace in the details of our lives. While waiting to see how things pan out, it is tempting to try to take matters into our hands, thinking that we can make things happen. Sometimes we can misunderstand one another and argue more frequently. We are called, in those moments, to model grace to one another, to confess and forgive - to turn our hearts quickly toward God and the light of his face.

God is always faithful. He has been providing for us in the uncertainty and the greyness of taking one step at a time, rather than knowing the whole picture. We have not lacked for financial provision since moving here and we are so thankful to see how God has met our needs. We are learning to hold onto things lightly as God prunes away some of our areas of previous security and trust, along with attitudes that are not always honoring to him. We are learning more profoundly to grow in our trust of God for every aspect of our lives.

In the meantime, we want to love Jesus and to make him known by how we relate to him, to one another and to those in our lives. I desire to engage deeply and practically with hurting, struggling and suffering people. God has done that in my life and I want to glorify him with the outcome. Life is full of beautiful paradoxes and I love that that is where God is, often, most at work even in the exciting, unknown seasons.

[I haven't blogged in over a year. When I started blogging I would wait for the big moments to write something. Now, I would love to write more on every day little moments, as well as the momentous things. No promises...but I want to be more than just a tweeter.]